LOVE MADE ME DO IT

I was about seventeen years old; lost and hanging around the “wrong crowd”. We wandered through the mall causing all types of chaos when a few people decided to start stealing things. Of course, I wanted to fit in so I decided to steal something, also. It was a hardcover National Geographic book called “The Photographers'“. WIthout too much thought, I made sure my friends saw me stuff it into my pocket and we exited the book store. A few days later, I noticed the book lying on the table in my parent’s basement and decided to flip throuigh it when I noticed a DVD in a sleeve in the back of the book. Curiosity compelled me to pop it into my computer and my world was instantly changed. While I’d had a camera in my hand for the majority of my life, it was that moment when my purpose became clear to me. Images from all over the world flashed vividly across the screen. I glanced over at my little Sony CyberShot and Olympus OM-1 wondering what it would be like to finally leave the neighborhood so many told me I would die before 21 in and made the definitive choice to dedicated my life to making pictures instead of following in the footsteps of the many who’d not made it out of similar circumstances before me.

Fast forward to 2015 I was married with a daughter but still hadn’t realized my dream to travel and photograph places unfamiliar to me. While I had gained quite a bit of local notariety for my photographs of dancers and models, my work felt laregly incomplete. Then it happened- the irreversable and ireparible circumstances of a failed marriage and the incomparible amount of stress I was under at the time put me at a crossroads; “Let this hearbreak kill you or get the hell out”. I chose the later, remembering the stories I’d read years ago of adventurers, travelers, exporers, and photographers. I booked a one-way tickets to New Delhi with no plan and no idea where I’d stay. All I knew was that I needed to change my perspective and experience something new.

After two cancelled flights I managed to land safely albeit almost eight hours later than expected at around 2am. The driver I had hired to drive me to a hostel I found online was gone and I had no idea how to get around. The air was thick with smog and the smoke from burning fields and the streets were still buzzing with life well into the middle of the night. I managed to hail a cab and the driver agreed to take me to the address I had scribbled in the little moleskin notebook I’d kept in my pocket. We drove around for what felt like an eternity down dark alleyways, past three legged dogs, and run down buildings. This was all a huge departure from the films and photographs I’d seen in Nat Geo. We finally pulled up next to a seemingly abandoned building when the lights turned on and several men came out and approached the car. “Give me your phone.” One of them demanded. I immediately positioned my hand to grab the knife I’d had stashed in my boot for these types of situations back home. I supose they could see the concern on my face as they backed up a few steps and assured me that they weren’t there to “steal from me”. An odd statement from someone who hadn’t thought of such a thing. I handed one of the men my little notebook and pointed to the address. They huddled around it and briefly discussed what to do when a different man agreed to take me to my destination. I figured my options were limited in a new country where I don’t speak the language and just showed up without a plan so I decided to just go with the flow. He eventually dropped me off at the little hostel I had booked and told me that most tourists don’t stay in such dangerous neighborhoods. I nodded and thanked him for the advice. It didn’t look any more dangerous than the neighborhoods I grew up in- how bad chould it be?
Truth be told, it wasn’t bad at all. Well… there was the day I decided to investigate a reported “mafia front” that doubled as a travel agency where the owner threatened to pour gasoline on me and set me on fire and the time a group of kids tried to steal my camera right out of my hands but that all felt like sesame street compared to where I was from and what I was going through at the time. Beyond that, I was taken in by some of the most hospitable families, made new friends who I still speak with years later, and made some of the most important photos on my early career. There was just so much I didn’t understand about the world but understanding that I know nothing was one of the best things I could have experienced.
Learning to let go of preconceived ideas, plans, and pain, I began to realize what it means to fall in love with the world and appreciate the love extended to me when I feel like I’ve got nothing left.